work as love

Nobody prepared me for the identity crisis that is “no longer being a student.” I’ve been working as a full-time brand journalist for two weeks now, and I’m face-to-face with the reality of indefinite work and what that means. Not being someone who wants to climb the corporate ladder, I’m having to redefine what growth,Continue reading “work as love”

poem: untitled

In forsaking the ability to change,they diminish their capacity for hope.—Kathleen Norris, “Dakota” What must it feel liketo not be somebody’s first love? I’m sick of being angry.My therapist said thisis part of grief. I always know I’m home whenI don’t feel Asian enoughfor anyone on social media. I’m afraid to write.“You must trust theContinue reading “poem: untitled”

Poem: For Now

We watched the lightning show from my bedroom window, carmine and hibiscus dancing behind charcoal clouds,angelic hallelujah light. I scolded youfor being on your phone, but you were curiousabout gas excitation and electrons so,in retrospect, that was probably okay.Apparently lightning is five times hotterthan the sun, and Zeus is married to Hera,the goddess of childbirthContinue reading “Poem: For Now”

collected thoughts, x

Words have not come easy the past couple of weeks. I flounder in letters and punctuation marks, holding my breath to stop the panic in the spaces between conscious and unconscious thought. It’s funny because I don’t know what that means. It’s funny because I don’t know what to do, and God knows but he’sContinue reading “collected thoughts, x”

Good-bye, Instagram

Note: I’ve kept this post in “Drafts” for quite a while. It seemed self-indulgent to publish in the midst of everything that erupted shortly after I wrote the post. But with the growing awareness around the country of social media’s power for change (and also its troubling, relentless control over our minds), I thought I’dContinue reading “Good-bye, Instagram”

collected thoughts, ix

One year ago today, I was on my way to London. * The midnight after “Notes on a Conditional Form” was released, I texted Kailin, “How we feeling about the new 1975 album?” and thus ensued an intense conversation about postmodernism, lyrics, intimacy, all the “behind the song” cards included with each track in Spotify,Continue reading “collected thoughts, ix”

From the first page of summer’s journal

Just now a heron (a crane? a stork?) flew right over me as I stood by my window watching the dusk gather itself into evening, and I am at a loss for words to describe how it made me feel. As its form rose over the trees and turned to climb above the fields, IContinue reading “From the first page of summer’s journal”

collected thoughts, vii

Once, I thought a tiny tumbleweed was a groundhog with matted fur. Then it blew away. * Last week I revised an essay about love lost, love learned, and love rediscovered. It was a lot more emotionally exhausting to write than I thought it would be. I kept crying. Among many other things, the pastContinue reading “collected thoughts, vii”