How long, O Lord?

January has been a hard month. Hard news has broken all over the world, from the attacks in the Middle East to the fires in Australia to the virus in China to the continued impeachment trials in the U.S., not to mention the recent tragic deaths of Kobe Bryant and his daughter. Everywhere the worldContinue reading “How long, O Lord?”

When relationships falter

A realization: Satan’s lies always target relationships and communication. He targets our relationship with God, first of all. Satan would like nothing more than for us to stop speaking to God, to stop listening to God, to stop inviting God into our lives. Honestly, being actively mad at God and telling him so is betterContinue reading “When relationships falter”

third year humans (i)

I walked into the hair salon expecting to spend the next hour seated awkwardly in a chair while the stylist did her thing and asked questions I didn’t want to answer. People walked around with silver hair, hipster glasses, cool jewelry, and edgy tattoos, and then there was me, a small college student who knewContinue reading “third year humans (i)”

Days 45 – 49

Day 45: Reflections on memory Just before chapel I sit in the garden by the river. I do some homework, read, listen to music, and my heart is calm. A little light creeps into my heavy body and lifts it for a moment. T.S. Eliot writes in “Little Gidding” that memory is the liberation fromContinue reading “Days 45 – 49”

Day 13 – Folding

In her prayer to open the class time, Megan misspeaks and says “before You go” instead of “before we go.” It strikes me that such a simple change of phrase can bear such comforting meaning in a time of stress. God goes before us. God is already in all the places we are about toContinue reading “Day 13 – Folding”

Day 3 – Belonging

The tree branches whipping against the windows at 7 in the morning leave me less than inclined to open my eyes. Maybe if I hold onto my dreams the monster won’t get me. I’d been having nice dreams. They’d been dreams where I’d felt loved and seen. Splashes of ice cold water cast themselves againstContinue reading “Day 3 – Belonging”

Send it to the cross

(Photo taken by Samantha St. Cyr) I remember being here last year: heartbroken. My spine crumpled into the hard wooden cross, tears splashing between my splayed fingers. “Please take away my anxiety.” Another girl testified God had healed her mental illness. One year later I’m told I have depression, too. I fight it. A fewContinue reading “Send it to the cross”

Before the Rooster Crows

I recently remembered something that happened to me on the last night of the Urbana18 missions conference. It was long past midnight on New Year’s Day, and as I took the hotel elevator along with fellow students, two girls joined us. They had been out partying and were definitely a little drunk. I swallowed, notContinue reading “Before the Rooster Crows”


I entered the chapel with a couple hundred other students, and the only thing I felt was numb desperation. Where was God? Why couldn’t I find Him? Why couldn’t I see Him? Why didn’t He seem to be in any of the usual places I found Him? God has always communicated with me in veryContinue reading “encounter”