collected thoughts, ix

One year ago today, I was on my way to London. * The midnight after “Notes on a Conditional Form” was released, I texted Kailin, “How we feeling about the new 1975 album?” and thus ensued an intense conversation about postmodernism, lyrics, intimacy, all the “behind the song” cards included with each track in Spotify,Continue reading “collected thoughts, ix”

collected thoughts, v

It is blue hour now, the sky tinged with violet hues that ache with soft pink and washed-out yellow. * I stopped listening to Of Monsters and Men for several months last semester. In the midst of grief, of lamenting the necessity of goodbyes and see-you-laters, the melodies were too jarring. They made me cry.Continue reading “collected thoughts, v”

things i miss

– crying in the office – laughing in the office – dancing in the office – hugs from my mother – hugs from my friends – hugs from people I didn’t get many hugs from – coming home to the apartment – reading in the apartment – singing in the apartment – the train –Continue reading “things i miss”

When relationships falter

A realization: Satan’s lies always target relationships and communication. He targets our relationship with God, first of all. Satan would like nothing more than for us to stop speaking to God, to stop listening to God, to stop inviting God into our lives. Honestly, being actively mad at God and telling him so is betterContinue reading “When relationships falter”

Days 14–17

Wifi is unreliable and time is not always available in generous helpings when traveling. Although I will continue to document things everyday, I will end up having to post them in sets like this one. Bear with me on the longer posts! Also, I will no longer be posting my daily photo challenge here onContinue reading “Days 14–17”

Day 13 – Folding

In her prayer to open the class time, Megan misspeaks and says “before You go” instead of “before we go.” It strikes me that such a simple change of phrase can bear such comforting meaning in a time of stress. God goes before us. God is already in all the places we are about toContinue reading “Day 13 – Folding”

Day 12 – Alive

Today I feel alive. I spend the afternoon sprawled in the grass, listening to my summer music playlist, and reading “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.” The bees buzz around my feet, and little green bugs leap onto my arms searching for a friend. I let them. Maybe they desperately need a friend. Maybe theyContinue reading “Day 12 – Alive”

Day 11 – Angst

Waking up was disgusting. There was a frog in my throat, bloating in my face, and zero comprehension in my mind. In this disoriented state, Maddie and I met Tori for lunch at Chick-Fil-A, which made it all the more disorienting. The last time we were there together, Tori was our boss, and we wereContinue reading “Day 11 – Angst”

Day 9 – Getting Through

From the journal: “Why can’t I enjoy a warm, summer day? Am I so numb and apathetic that I can’t be invested in pursuing joy and finding contentment in things that once made my heart sing and set my mind free? Am I so tired that I can still feel sad on days like this?Continue reading “Day 9 – Getting Through”

Day 8 – Reminders

Sleeping in, even if it’s just an hour or two, is a rare privilege. What follows are slow mornings in peaceful solitude, give-or-take blasting your favorite music while you brush your teeth and dancing around your empty apartment like a happy fool, without toothpaste dripping from your chin. I made a list of simple meals I’mContinue reading “Day 8 – Reminders”