non-mother’s meditation on motherhood

Joan Didion writes in Blue Nights, “Once she was born I was never not afraid.” How much more anxious does one become upon having a child—upon being touched by God to bring up a little life that looks a little like oneself? To see oneself in the face of this sweet creature, this beautiful creatureContinue reading “non-mother’s meditation on motherhood”

Poem: For Now

We watched the lightning show from my bedroom window, carmine and hibiscus dancing behind charcoal clouds,angelic hallelujah light. I scolded youfor being on your phone, but you were curiousabout gas excitation and electrons so,in retrospect, that was probably okay.Apparently lightning is five times hotterthan the sun, and Zeus is married to Hera,the goddess of childbirthContinue reading “Poem: For Now”

collected thoughts, ii

I’m kicking myself for not starting a quarantine log, but today is day nine and I have a lot to be thankful for. There is a certain level of guilt that comes from being able to stay home with a family that loves me, with woods and fields to saunter through when I get restless,Continue reading “collected thoughts, ii”

the city is only beautiful when

The city has never been beautiful to me. When I was five years old, Detroit was a black shadow that held my father hostage at the VA Medical Center. When he had a night shift he didn’t come home until 3 in the morning. Sometimes my mother let my two little brothers and I stayContinue reading “the city is only beautiful when”

in an apartment kitchen, alone

“The Bookshop” hangs suspended at the scene where Ms. Green meets Mr. Brundish. Halfway through the movie, they’re having tea together in an ill-lit dining room that looks like it used to boast grand parties. His white hair feels vaguely reminiscent of Albert Einstein, except if Einstein had made it a habit to carefully combContinue reading “in an apartment kitchen, alone”

just a glimpse

I have to remind myself that little Eliana would be so proud of me. Little Eliana had big dreams. She had no doubt she could achieve those dreams. She thought college students were the coolest people on the planet. *** I remember what it was like to be happy. Which stinks, because there’s a greatContinue reading “just a glimpse”