collected thoughts, x

Words have not come easy the past couple of weeks. I flounder in letters and punctuation marks, holding my breath to stop the panic in the spaces between conscious and unconscious thought. It’s funny because I don’t know what that means. It’s funny because I don’t know what to do, and God knows but he’sContinue reading “collected thoughts, x”

collected thoughts, ix

One year ago today, I was on my way to London. * The midnight after “Notes on a Conditional Form” was released, I texted Kailin, “How we feeling about the new 1975 album?” and thus ensued an intense conversation about postmodernism, lyrics, intimacy, all the “behind the song” cards included with each track in Spotify,Continue reading “collected thoughts, ix”

collected thoughts, vii

Once, I thought a tiny tumbleweed was a groundhog with matted fur. Then it blew away. * Last week I revised an essay about love lost, love learned, and love rediscovered. It was a lot more emotionally exhausting to write than I thought it would be. I kept crying. Among many other things, the pastContinue reading “collected thoughts, vii”

collected thoughts, vi

One morning this past week, I spilled half a glass of chocolate milk on my father’s newspaper and my beloved copy of “Lila.” I censored my under-breath curse, snatched up a few stray paper towels to mop up the mess. If it had been coffee the incident would have struck me as being a pinnacleContinue reading “collected thoughts, vi”

collected thoughts, v

It is blue hour now, the sky tinged with violet hues that ache with soft pink and washed-out yellow. * I stopped listening to Of Monsters and Men for several months last semester. In the midst of grief, of lamenting the necessity of goodbyes and see-you-laters, the melodies were too jarring. They made me cry.Continue reading “collected thoughts, v”

Weighty Sin, Weightier Mercy

I am appalled at some of the headlines these days about how individuals are responding to the government restrictions. I am appalled at my own tendency toward impatience when I am told to do or not do something especially when tensions run high. We are selfish beings, idolatrous in how we are so wrapped upContinue reading “Weighty Sin, Weightier Mercy”

collected thoughts, iv

Taking many solitary walks means learning how to identify birds by their call: oriole, robin, downy woodpecker, mockingbird, house finch. * One of my writing professors asked if I had attended any virtual church services. I said no, I hadn’t. * April 2 was the first day since March 11 where I woke up withoutContinue reading “collected thoughts, iv”

collected thoughts, iii

This one is a little on the more difficult and heavy side. If you’re dealing with your own emotional burdens and reading about someone else’s may make your battle harder, please feel free to close out the tab and come back another time. But if you have space somewhere to help me bear this, I’dContinue reading “collected thoughts, iii”

things i miss

– crying in the office – laughing in the office – dancing in the office – hugs from my mother – hugs from my friends – hugs from people I didn’t get many hugs from – coming home to the apartment – reading in the apartment – singing in the apartment – the train –Continue reading “things i miss”