Meditations and Musings

poem: dearly beloved

dearly beloved I miss morning light dappled across off-white pages of out-of-print poetry. I miss waking up to the blackbird’s songand the goose’s melancholic question. I miss ambling down the dirt road remainsof a lane once tread by Mary Janes ontheir way to the one-room schoolhouse. I miss giggling with the deer when theyappear likeContinue reading “poem: dearly beloved”

2021 in books

In 2021, I read approximately 27,071 pages across 105 books. Per habit, tradition, ritual, etc., I’ve compiled some of my favorites here for your perusal. I hope these stories share something of hope from my bookshelf (and reading community) to yours. *Some of these words are taken from my Goodreads reviews, lest you believe I’mContinue reading “2021 in books”

whispers

When people ask me if I’m writing anything, I want to say, “Yes, I’m collecting fragments.” Because isn’t that what the majority of writing is? Gathering fragments in our small attempts to put the world and ourselves back together? Like this one from Penelope Lively’s City of the Mind: “She starts to sob, the child:Continue reading “whispers”

redefining home

Home is a concept that has undergone many a change in my heart since freshman year of college. Those earlier years of confused dislocation are documented well enough. But this year in particular has forced me to give up the idea of “settling,” or even of having only one home. The longest I lived inContinue reading “redefining home”

work as love

Nobody prepared me for the identity crisis that is “no longer being a student.” I’ve been working as a full-time brand journalist for two weeks now, and I’m face-to-face with the reality of indefinite work and what that means. Not being someone who wants to climb the corporate ladder, I’m having to redefine what growth,Continue reading “work as love”

honest desires

Back in February, over kombucha and apple cider, I was trying to process with one of my mentors about a rapidly approaching decision I had to make. To say yes felt wrong, somehow, but I had no way to explain such an impulse, such a “feeling.” Rationally, I should say yes, I argued. By theContinue reading “honest desires”

poem: untitled

In forsaking the ability to change,they diminish their capacity for hope.—Kathleen Norris, “Dakota” What must it feel liketo not be somebody’s first love? I’m sick of being angry.My therapist said thisis part of grief. I always know I’m home whenI don’t feel Asian enoughfor anyone on social media. I’m afraid to write.“You must trust theContinue reading “poem: untitled”

journal #050221

May 2, 2021 Halfway through my freshman year of college, I wrote a letter to my future graduating self. I found that recently, and although most of the contents were embarrassing there was this little paragraph: “Wherever you are and wherever you’re going, I dearly hope you have only drawn closer to Jesus. He aloneContinue reading “journal #050221”

Remember

Forgetfulness is simultaneously a desirable and undesirable thing that flits between conscious striving and my conscience. It’s a defense and an attack. A quick look backwards and our efforts crumble to pieces. The fortress falls. The memory room collapses. And so much clawing can’t get us out. I have wanted to forget the sound ofContinue reading “Remember”

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