WORDS BY ELIANA
Forgetfulness is simultaneously a desirable and undesirable thing that flits between conscious striving and my conscience. It’s a defense and an attack. A quick look backwards and our efforts crumble to pieces. The fortress falls. The memory room collapses. And so much clawing can’t get us out. I have wanted to forget the sound ofContinue reading “Remember”
This year was the year of story. I clung to the narratives I found veined across paper when it felt like my own was crumbling like so much sand between my fingers. In the midst of the wilderness — silences, lengthy depressive episodes, pixels, temptation, lonely nights and lonely walks, difficult but needed good-byes, aContinue reading “2020 in Books”
Joan Didion writes in Blue Nights, “Once she was born I was never not afraid.” How much more anxious does one become upon having a child—upon being touched by God to bring up a little life that looks a little like oneself? To see oneself in the face of this sweet creature, this beautiful creatureContinue reading “non-mother’s meditation on motherhood”
On Wednesdays, I’ve taken to sitting in front of my window for two hours, seeking to dwell in the time between golden hour and sunset. The tree tops become drenched in honeycomb gold, and the orange blush of the horizon deepens into sienna hues, as if the sky were shy at heaven’s compliments of herContinue reading “Wild”
The start of what I hope to be an interesting and wholesome series on strangers I encounter or observe in the sundry spaces I inhabit. To the young mom who shopped at my local grocery store when I worked there, Thank you for always saving me a smile, for shopping on Wednesday afternoons because youContinue reading “strangers: kind”
In that funny timing only God can orchestrate, the biblical story of Mary and Martha showed up in my quiet time right on the heels of writing a recent blog post, which I ended with the words, “Lord, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to follow you? Am I placing tooContinue reading “Martha, Martha”
We watched the lightning show from my bedroom window, carmine and hibiscus dancing behind charcoal clouds,angelic hallelujah light. I scolded youfor being on your phone, but you were curiousabout gas excitation and electrons so,in retrospect, that was probably okay.Apparently lightning is five times hotterthan the sun, and Zeus is married to Hera,the goddess of childbirthContinue reading “Poem: For Now”
Words have not come easy the past couple of weeks. I flounder in letters and punctuation marks, holding my breath to stop the panic in the spaces between conscious and unconscious thought. It’s funny because I don’t know what that means. It’s funny because I don’t know what to do, and God knows but he’sContinue reading “collected thoughts, x”
Note: I’ve kept this post in “Drafts” for quite a while. It seemed self-indulgent to publish in the midst of everything that erupted shortly after I wrote the post. But with the growing awareness around the country of social media’s power for change (and also its troubling, relentless control over our minds), I thought I’dContinue reading “Good-bye, Instagram”
One year ago today, I was on my way to London. * The midnight after “Notes on a Conditional Form” was released, I texted Kailin, “How we feeling about the new 1975 album?” and thus ensued an intense conversation about postmodernism, lyrics, intimacy, all the “behind the song” cards included with each track in Spotify,Continue reading “collected thoughts, ix”
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