Meditations and Musings
Nobody prepared me for the identity crisis that is “no longer being a student.” I’ve been working as a full-time brand journalist for two weeks now, and I’m face-to-face with the reality of indefinite work and what that means. Not being someone who wants to climb the corporate ladder, I’m having to redefine what growth,Continue reading “work as love”
Back in February, over kombucha and apple cider, I was trying to process with one of my mentors about a rapidly approaching decision I had to make. To say yes felt wrong, somehow, but I had no way to explain such an impulse, such a “feeling.” Rationally, I should say yes, I argued. By theContinue reading “honest desires”
In forsaking the ability to change,they diminish their capacity for hope.—Kathleen Norris, “Dakota” What must it feel liketo not be somebody’s first love? I’m sick of being angry.My therapist said thisis part of grief. I always know I’m home whenI don’t feel Asian enoughfor anyone on social media. I’m afraid to write.“You must trust theContinue reading “poem: untitled”
May 2, 2021 Halfway through my freshman year of college, I wrote a letter to my future graduating self. I found that recently, and although most of the contents were embarrassing there was this little paragraph: “Wherever you are and wherever you’re going, I dearly hope you have only drawn closer to Jesus. He aloneContinue reading “journal #050221”
Forgetfulness is simultaneously a desirable and undesirable thing that flits between conscious striving and my conscience. It’s a defense and an attack. A quick look backwards and our efforts crumble to pieces. The fortress falls. The memory room collapses. And so much clawing can’t get us out. I have wanted to forget the sound ofContinue reading “Remember”
This year was the year of story. I clung to the narratives I found veined across paper when it felt like my own was crumbling like so much sand between my fingers. In the midst of the wilderness — silences, lengthy depressive episodes, pixels, temptation, lonely nights and lonely walks, difficult but needed good-byes, aContinue reading “2020 in Books”
Joan Didion writes in Blue Nights, “Once she was born I was never not afraid.” How much more anxious does one become upon having a child—upon being touched by God to bring up a little life that looks a little like oneself? To see oneself in the face of this sweet creature, this beautiful creatureContinue reading “non-mother’s meditation on motherhood”
On Wednesdays, I’ve taken to sitting in front of my window for two hours, seeking to dwell in the time between golden hour and sunset. The tree tops become drenched in honeycomb gold, and the orange blush of the horizon deepens into sienna hues, as if the sky were shy at heaven’s compliments of herContinue reading “Wild”
The start of what I hope to be an interesting and wholesome series on strangers I encounter or observe in the sundry spaces I inhabit. To the young mom who shopped at my local grocery store when I worked there, Thank you for always saving me a smile, for shopping on Wednesday afternoons because youContinue reading “strangers: kind”
In that funny timing only God can orchestrate, the biblical story of Mary and Martha showed up in my quiet time right on the heels of writing a recent blog post, which I ended with the words, “Lord, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to follow you? Am I placing tooContinue reading “Martha, Martha”
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