Day 12 – Alive

Today I feel alive.

I spend the afternoon sprawled in the grass, listening to my summer music playlist, and reading “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.” The bees buzz around my feet, and little green bugs leap onto my arms searching for a friend. I let them. Maybe they desperately need a friend. Maybe they pray every night that a human wouldn’t be afraid of them. Maybe their greatest fear is rejection.

Kailin, Maddy, and I wander downtown to the music festival. The air reeks of beer that we do not drink. When the security guard opens are backpacks crammed full with books she chuckles and says, “Oh, you’re college students aren’t you? I can tell without even asking!”

We splurge. Maddy gets a frozen strawberry lemonade that tastes like chemicals to me. Kailin and I spend five dollars each on small cups of cookies and cream and mint chocolate chip Dippin’ Dots. It’s just what we need to get us back to our apartment.

Fresh fruit. Fancy salad. Cookies and cakes galore. Sandwiches with apple slices and gouda cheese. A game of tag. Getting locked out of the building. Climbing trees. Togetherness.

Despite my best efforts, I get overwhelmed pretty quickly and retreat inside. I crawl into an arm chair and brood, feeling ashamed of myself and trying desperately to show myself grace in this situation.

“The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” is a movie most dear to my heart. The cinematography is a masterpiece. The story is beautiful.

“We’re so single,” my friends say as the credits roll.

I realize I miss a lot of people.


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